As an adult donor conceived person, I find it absolutely absurd that the study undertaken in Cambridge by the Centre for Family Research at Britain's Cambridge University (Parenting 06/07/2008 http://www.theage.com.au/news/parenting/assisted-fertility-not-an-issue/2008/07/06/1215282634863.html) claims to have proven that people born through assisted reprodcutive technologies do as well psychologically as children conceived by “natural” means. The majority of studies undertaken on donor conceived people are done with children, who as far as I am concerned, are unable to comprehend the weight of what their different conception will actually mean to them as they grow up and become adults. This study for instance focussed on 7 year olds, most of whom had not even been told about their assisted conception.
The effects of donor conception on the donor conceived can not be truly measured yet. Until the truth about ones true conception is recorded on birth certificates the number of people conceived via donor can only be estimated; the number who are told will also remain unknown whilst there is no onus on parents to tell, and the long term psychological effects of this mutli million dollar practice will remain under wraps for the sake of the scientists and doctors who are making squillions from willingly and wrongfully deceiving people of their true identity.
I can not know who my bioligical donor father is due to the era of secrecy into which I was born. The fact that this information is filed and kept under lock and key and out of my reach is like psychological torture. It's cruel, dehumanising and wrong in every way. The fact that the current review of legislation by the Victorian Law Reform Commission failed to address the issue of TRUE birth certificates means that many other donor conceived people will feel the way that I do in years to come. It’s a shame that we can not learn from past mistakes for the benefit of future generations.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
A Letter From my Father, by Me.
Over the past weekend I went on a camp with some kids who are in care through my work. It was a great experience and on Saturday night we did an interesting activity. We had to write letters from people who we have lost in our lives. We may have lost them through death, through parting ways or by choice. We had to write the letters as though we were them, writing letters to us. I thought about many people whom I could have written about, but thought it might be interesting to write a letter from my father/T5 to me. Although I have never met him, I miss him a lot. It's really hard for most people to understand this I think. I've been met with many questions as to how this can be. "How can you miss someone you have never met?". I think it's partly that I miss him and my paternal family and partly that I miss a part of myself. There are things that I can't understand, things that would assist me in knowing myself better. So I wrote this letter and it was as though I was channelling a greater force, or perhaps I was just writing what I'd hope that he would write to me if he felt that he could not come forward. Something for me to go on...
"Dear Narelle,
I've never met you or known you, but I am a part of you and you are a part of me. When I donated all those years ago at Prince Henry's I was young and wasn't thinking too far into the future. I thought that some extra money would help me and my new wife. No one told me that one day you might want and need to know me.
I'm sorry for the pain that I've caused you by my actions and absence. I should've known that any children created from my donations might be curious and want answers.
I've missed so many years and can imagine that you've grown into a lovely young woman.
I've been too scared to approach the ITA and come forward because I don't want to disturb the life you have with your family, and your dad. And I don't know how it would effect my wife and children...
I think about you and I wish only happiness for you. One day we will meet, if not on earth, then after life in spirit. I realise you're hurting and missing me even though we've never met.
I am sorry and I love you.
We will always be connected."
It seems so silly to type out, but this exercise was really therapeutic.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Happy Birthday Sister!
Yesterday it was one of my little (half, donor conceived) sister's birthday. I was very fortunate in getting my 9 half DC sibling's dates of births and genders. This is how I know and it's nice to have at least that information. I want to make en effort this year to try to think of my siblings this year and celebrate their birthdays, even if in a small way. I couldn't really though yesterday as it was mother's day and I didn't want to upset mum. I think she would have been ok with it, but still, I know that she harbours some guilt around my situation and it just wouldn't have been appropriate. Anyway, my little sister, born 11th May 1985 would have turned 22. I hope that wherever she is that she is happy. Maybe one day I can meet her, who knows? I need to do more to try and find my siblings... it's just all so emotionally exhausting. But one day soon I must get back into searching.
I guess lately I have become more accepting of my situation, that's not to say that I'm not still wanting answers, or curious. I'll always be curious to know more, always be searching, I'm just not angry anymore, I'm active. Lobbying and public speaking is meaning making for me, pulling a positive out of all of this for my own sanity and also to help other DC people. It's rewarding and helps me to feel as though my conception, DC status can mean something greater.
I've now been working as a foster care worker for 5 months and loving it. I love the children and trying to make a difference for them. Working in foster care has been a real eye opener and I guess the stark differences for children in foster care vs DC people is very apparent. The courts usually work towards reunification of children and their birth families... And where reunification is not possible links with birth family are encouraged, i.e. access visits. It is seen as a vital element of foster care that workers and carers allow for this contact. Yet in DC we are told our birth families are not important and those of us who do want to know our birth families are often met with questions as to why, opposition and some times, like in my situation, flat out refusal. I should be content with what I have, is what they say, get on with things.... For the most part I do, however I just think that all children should have the opportunity to know their family of origin, it should be there choice and not a right that is fought for.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Triple J radio - Hack
I was on a radio program called Hack here in Australia. It's a youth current affairs show & this particular show included a topic about donors being able to choose who or more so who they do not wish their donations to go to. If you skip to around 6:57, it starts there. Another donor conceived person was also on the program.
Here is the link to the show.
Here is the link to the show.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
New website for donor conceived people searching for their fathers
http://www.SearchingForMySpermDonorFather.org/
A big thank you to Tom who set this up and who is doing brilliantly helping to make a real difference for donor conceived people around the world.
A big thank you to Tom who set this up and who is doing brilliantly helping to make a real difference for donor conceived people around the world.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
My letter in the Age newspaper
Fighting for the right to know
AS A young woman who was conceived via anonymous donor sperm in 1981, I do acknowledge that not all donor-conceived people or adoptees, like Michael Nolan (Letters, 4/9), are as eager as I to seek out their true birth origins. I do believe, however, that there is a difference in having the option of knowing and not being afforded the right to begin with. All adoptees in Victoria have the opportunity to seek their birth records, while the story is very different for donor-conceived people, especially those of us born before legislation. We have no opportunity, no right to information that is ours. Not all believe that biology is important, but that is beside the point. A person should not have to fight for information that is rightfully theirs.
Whether it is a matter of identity or not, this is a human rights issue that has been swept under the carpet for far too long. I agree with Michael Nolan that life is grand. It is this grandness, this mystery that entices me to know all that I can about myself and the world. I want to see how it all fits, I want to see where I fit, how I came to be and everything in between. Isn't that what being human is about?
Those of us who do choose to search for their information should have the freedom to do so. I love and respect my parents who raised me and I also love and respect the man who helped to bring me into this world. It is important that ALL donor-conceived people are awarded the same rights as adoptees in Victoria.
AS A young woman who was conceived via anonymous donor sperm in 1981, I do acknowledge that not all donor-conceived people or adoptees, like Michael Nolan (Letters, 4/9), are as eager as I to seek out their true birth origins. I do believe, however, that there is a difference in having the option of knowing and not being afforded the right to begin with. All adoptees in Victoria have the opportunity to seek their birth records, while the story is very different for donor-conceived people, especially those of us born before legislation. We have no opportunity, no right to information that is ours. Not all believe that biology is important, but that is beside the point. A person should not have to fight for information that is rightfully theirs.
Whether it is a matter of identity or not, this is a human rights issue that has been swept under the carpet for far too long. I agree with Michael Nolan that life is grand. It is this grandness, this mystery that entices me to know all that I can about myself and the world. I want to see how it all fits, I want to see where I fit, how I came to be and everything in between. Isn't that what being human is about?
Those of us who do choose to search for their information should have the freedom to do so. I love and respect my parents who raised me and I also love and respect the man who helped to bring me into this world. It is important that ALL donor-conceived people are awarded the same rights as adoptees in Victoria.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Thanks be to the fathers
Happy Father's Day to my dad, who raised me as his own daughter and nurtured me into the person I am today.
Happy Father's Day to T5, who gave me life through his own and is with me always.
Happy Father's Day to T5, who gave me life through his own and is with me always.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Melbourne Child article
It has been a while. I don't know.. I think sometimes I can't deal with all of this anymore, and it's so easy to push to the back of my head when I can't handle it. There is so much going on in my life right now besides this that I have had to take another break I guess. I didn't intend to really. Anyways..
I did an interview for a free Magazine here in Melbourne (Australia) called Melbourne's Child. This is my part of the article:
"When Narelle was 15 she found out she was conceived using an anonymous sperm donor at Prince Henry Hospital. It had an enourmous impact on her life, and still does, especially as she cannot access any identifying information about him. "I want to know more about my genetic history and my medical background," she says. "It's something everyone takes for granted that donor-conceived people are often denied. I want to know more; his personality, his interests, what he's done with his life. People are a mixture of nature and nurture and to downplay either is wrong. There are some genetic influences that are undeniable and it's ignorant to say otherwise."
Narelle, and others like her, struggle with issues of identity and seperation, and often have a sense of feeling incomplete, even though they regard the people who raised them as their parents and love them dearly. Says Narelle "I suppose the main thing for me is that I feel a little disconnected; a kind of gut feeling that I'm not quite 100 per cent or something. I don't know things i should know to answer questions in my life. People shouldn't be lied to about something as fundamental as who they are. I know it's not really plausible to do, but i think parents shouldn't have the choice not to tell their children. The truth should be on the birth certificate and there should be a national register and no more anonymity."
One of the other significant issues for donor-conceived people is that of half siblings. Even today. sperm donors can donate up to 10 families, creating a significant pool of half-brothers and sisters. "I know that I have at least eight half-siblings," Narelle says, "and all in different families and we live in a small city... I think donors should only be allowed to donate to one family"
Fin.
I did an interview for a free Magazine here in Melbourne (Australia) called Melbourne's Child. This is my part of the article:
"When Narelle was 15 she found out she was conceived using an anonymous sperm donor at Prince Henry Hospital. It had an enourmous impact on her life, and still does, especially as she cannot access any identifying information about him. "I want to know more about my genetic history and my medical background," she says. "It's something everyone takes for granted that donor-conceived people are often denied. I want to know more; his personality, his interests, what he's done with his life. People are a mixture of nature and nurture and to downplay either is wrong. There are some genetic influences that are undeniable and it's ignorant to say otherwise."
Narelle, and others like her, struggle with issues of identity and seperation, and often have a sense of feeling incomplete, even though they regard the people who raised them as their parents and love them dearly. Says Narelle "I suppose the main thing for me is that I feel a little disconnected; a kind of gut feeling that I'm not quite 100 per cent or something. I don't know things i should know to answer questions in my life. People shouldn't be lied to about something as fundamental as who they are. I know it's not really plausible to do, but i think parents shouldn't have the choice not to tell their children. The truth should be on the birth certificate and there should be a national register and no more anonymity."
One of the other significant issues for donor-conceived people is that of half siblings. Even today. sperm donors can donate up to 10 families, creating a significant pool of half-brothers and sisters. "I know that I have at least eight half-siblings," Narelle says, "and all in different families and we live in a small city... I think donors should only be allowed to donate to one family"
Fin.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Apparently he thinks about me too
On the speaking out trail again. I've been involved in 2 conferences and spoken at another 2 on my own in the last 2 months or so. It's been a ride. A weird one at that. Sometimes I can hear myself recounting my story, over and over, as though it's not really me. As though I'm watching myself speak these words, feel these heavy feelings, lips drying, heart beating, seeing the kitchen table we sat around as i recount my telling story... I am an example of the pain that is felt if told at a "later age", I can see it... I look up and see people pity me, feel sorry for me, think that I would have been less emotional if i was told at a younger age. I can't say for sure, but I don't think the pain of not knowing who my father is would be eased if i were told earlier. I still wouldn't be able to know him.
It was interesting to see a video of some other donor conceived people at one of the conferences. One young man in particular started off saying that he had no interest whatsoever in knowing his "donor" and that it didn't bother him at all. Mind you his mother was interviewing the group and in front of a large audience, including the other parents of the DC people. Yeah, going to get a really honest account of how they are feeling whilst trying to protect everyone else's feelings!!! Such a joke. Anyway, it was about a one hour video/interview... this young man went from saying he had no interest, to saying he would meet his "donor" if given the chance. He went from spouting the "i would only want to know for medical reasons", to "I would like to have a coffee with him, get to know him... what his personality is like". I smiled when I could see this turnaround, which was really quite quick and telling in my eyes. Of course he wants to know who his "donor" is.
There was discussion around control too. The idea that we want control over our information as DC people & understandably so. The young DC man stated that he had no hope of finding his "donor", no control over whether he found this man or not. I can see that for some of us DC people, where control over our search is limited, it is often VERY easy to say that we don't care, because frankly, there is almost no hope of ever knowing anything more. It's much easier to get by saying you don't care, it's a coping mechanism. There was another DC girl who had recently found out, who was asked if she was interested in finding out if she could trace her "donor". She had only found out within the last few months. She said something like "I don't want to know if I can find out or not, because I don't know what I would do if I couldn't" That pretty much says it all to me.
I differ here, because I have hope.... even though I know I may never meet my father, even though many people like to point out to me that there is basically no chance, I know that there is some hope. My mantra regarding this is "Hope for the best, expecting the worst". It's how I get by. I expect that T5 will never come forward, that he is proabably dead, but I hope that he is alive and interested in meeting his daughter... one of his daughters. (Gees)
Apparently at the last conference I was at someone stated that past donors do think about their possible children. They do wonder how we are. I wonder if T5 thinks about me? If he knows about me. If he has seen me on tv. Heard me on the radio. If he wants to know me, or is scared of me. This dreadheaded little hippy.. is she what he expected one of his daughters to be? Am I a disgrace to him, or do I make him proud? Can he see himself in me? Can he see me at all?
It was interesting to see a video of some other donor conceived people at one of the conferences. One young man in particular started off saying that he had no interest whatsoever in knowing his "donor" and that it didn't bother him at all. Mind you his mother was interviewing the group and in front of a large audience, including the other parents of the DC people. Yeah, going to get a really honest account of how they are feeling whilst trying to protect everyone else's feelings!!! Such a joke. Anyway, it was about a one hour video/interview... this young man went from saying he had no interest, to saying he would meet his "donor" if given the chance. He went from spouting the "i would only want to know for medical reasons", to "I would like to have a coffee with him, get to know him... what his personality is like". I smiled when I could see this turnaround, which was really quite quick and telling in my eyes. Of course he wants to know who his "donor" is.
There was discussion around control too. The idea that we want control over our information as DC people & understandably so. The young DC man stated that he had no hope of finding his "donor", no control over whether he found this man or not. I can see that for some of us DC people, where control over our search is limited, it is often VERY easy to say that we don't care, because frankly, there is almost no hope of ever knowing anything more. It's much easier to get by saying you don't care, it's a coping mechanism. There was another DC girl who had recently found out, who was asked if she was interested in finding out if she could trace her "donor". She had only found out within the last few months. She said something like "I don't want to know if I can find out or not, because I don't know what I would do if I couldn't" That pretty much says it all to me.
I differ here, because I have hope.... even though I know I may never meet my father, even though many people like to point out to me that there is basically no chance, I know that there is some hope. My mantra regarding this is "Hope for the best, expecting the worst". It's how I get by. I expect that T5 will never come forward, that he is proabably dead, but I hope that he is alive and interested in meeting his daughter... one of his daughters. (Gees)
Apparently at the last conference I was at someone stated that past donors do think about their possible children. They do wonder how we are. I wonder if T5 thinks about me? If he knows about me. If he has seen me on tv. Heard me on the radio. If he wants to know me, or is scared of me. This dreadheaded little hippy.. is she what he expected one of his daughters to be? Am I a disgrace to him, or do I make him proud? Can he see himself in me? Can he see me at all?
Friday, September 22, 2006
Multiply T5 13 times
In short I recently found out I definately have one extra sister, born in 1985. I am a big sister to two girls now :) I was able to also gain information that tells me all of my 9 half siblings dates of births and the fact that three 'outcomes' are unknown. This may mean that the women got pregnant and didn't notify of the birth or that they received treatment and didn't have babies. Who knows?? No one will ever know...
My siblings... 13 of us altogether now. Isn't that just crazy??
The four of us girls all born in 1982 were born one month apart. So the first in June, then July, then August, then me in September!! It's crazy... beyond crazy... unfair and amazing at the same time.
I have put all of this on the backburner in my mind trying to digest it all, trying to comprehend what this means, for me, for them, for so many others in my situation. It's messed up and I want to know them all and NOW!
I want to go out and party with them, get to know them like I would any stranger I meet for the first time, except these people are my family and always will be. Regardless if we have spent the last 20 odd years apart, they are my blood. And nothing anyone can say will ever change that.
Where are you brothers and sisters?
My siblings... 13 of us altogether now. Isn't that just crazy??
The four of us girls all born in 1982 were born one month apart. So the first in June, then July, then August, then me in September!! It's crazy... beyond crazy... unfair and amazing at the same time.
I have put all of this on the backburner in my mind trying to digest it all, trying to comprehend what this means, for me, for them, for so many others in my situation. It's messed up and I want to know them all and NOW!
I want to go out and party with them, get to know them like I would any stranger I meet for the first time, except these people are my family and always will be. Regardless if we have spent the last 20 odd years apart, they are my blood. And nothing anyone can say will ever change that.
Where are you brothers and sisters?
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Reclaiming a part of my heritage
About 3 weeks ago now I had some news about T5. I received a call to inform me that my donor's name was now safe with the ITA. That in itself made me really happy. If legislation ever does become retrospective at least there is a name for me to search with, much more than other older DC people have. Some DC people's records have been destroyed, which is a downright crime against them!
Anyway, the conversation was a blur in my mind. I was sitting at a tram stop waiting to go home after my first day back at uni. I was scanning the counselor's words, waiting for the good bits. I knew this was a different conversation to others i had had in the past.
She knows how much i have wanted to know the nationality of my father and his family.... It's something I have fantisised about since i found out. I always imagined he was from the UK, that my paternal heritage was perhaps Scottish. Over time this idea has stuck with me, and I only realised it after i got this news.
Apparently his surname is distinctly Maltese. When she said this i burst into tears. I didn't care who was around or what they thought. I was in a trance like state, replaying the words over again and again, reminding myself that i was awake and that this directly impacted me, myself.. my identity.
My mother was born in Malta and travelled here when she was 16 years old. My dad's family is also from Malta. I am fortunate that I have been surrounded by Maltese people and culture since i was little, for now it means a lot more to me. Of course T5 having a Maltese surname does not mean that he is necessarily completely Maltese himself, however it is a definate part of who he is, who his father is, and who i am. Maybe there is still a UK connection on my paternal grandmother's side?
The news is still sinking in. Now and then i remember the weight of such information and have to really stop and process it again. It's really amazing how grounding this information has been for me. I feel a little closer to him, a little closer to knowing myself better. I don't feel complete in any way, but i do feel a sense of calm. A sense that this is right.
It also shatters my previous fantasies, as i mentioned earlier. It is so bizzaire how easy it is to conjur up a image of someone you have never met, never known. He is no longer a UK/Australian with a pot belly! Also, there is now certain fear that he has not told his family. Knowing my own Maltese family and the community in Melbourne at least, I don't think that he would have told his parents or anyone really. His parents would not understand.... He would face a lot of stereotypical cop-outs about this. It makes me think he is less likely to come forward, and that sucks. And perhaps more likely that he just did it for some extra cash. But who knows? I shouldn't generalise, but it's hard not to when i know it's most likely the case.
But this is another piece of information that I am certainly thrilled about. As a friend said I am getting closer!
In thinking about this whole process however i have thought that it might be compared to slow torture... this bit by bit revealing of information. I find out when i am 15, get a few non-identifying bits of information... wait a few more years find out a donor code... another year and i find out i have many more siblings than i had ever imagined... find out their years of birth and gender a few months later... now this. There is a voice inside of me screaming like an impatient child "I want it all and i want it NOW!" Patience is not one of my strong points generally speaking, but in reality i have no choice but to be patient with this.
I am happy that I know all of this information, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to sing the grateful child song. I deserve this information, it is mine, i know this. The universe has a funny way of working sometimes. I guess i just have to wait and see what happens next.
Well actually i did get some other news with relation to all of this, but i will save that for the next post. It's another whole can of worms!
...
Sinking into my skin... slowly moving down the rope to the Earth. I can see people through the clouds, but i can't make out their faces. Still disconnected, but somehow very changed.
Anyway, the conversation was a blur in my mind. I was sitting at a tram stop waiting to go home after my first day back at uni. I was scanning the counselor's words, waiting for the good bits. I knew this was a different conversation to others i had had in the past.
She knows how much i have wanted to know the nationality of my father and his family.... It's something I have fantisised about since i found out. I always imagined he was from the UK, that my paternal heritage was perhaps Scottish. Over time this idea has stuck with me, and I only realised it after i got this news.
Apparently his surname is distinctly Maltese. When she said this i burst into tears. I didn't care who was around or what they thought. I was in a trance like state, replaying the words over again and again, reminding myself that i was awake and that this directly impacted me, myself.. my identity.
My mother was born in Malta and travelled here when she was 16 years old. My dad's family is also from Malta. I am fortunate that I have been surrounded by Maltese people and culture since i was little, for now it means a lot more to me. Of course T5 having a Maltese surname does not mean that he is necessarily completely Maltese himself, however it is a definate part of who he is, who his father is, and who i am. Maybe there is still a UK connection on my paternal grandmother's side?
The news is still sinking in. Now and then i remember the weight of such information and have to really stop and process it again. It's really amazing how grounding this information has been for me. I feel a little closer to him, a little closer to knowing myself better. I don't feel complete in any way, but i do feel a sense of calm. A sense that this is right.
It also shatters my previous fantasies, as i mentioned earlier. It is so bizzaire how easy it is to conjur up a image of someone you have never met, never known. He is no longer a UK/Australian with a pot belly! Also, there is now certain fear that he has not told his family. Knowing my own Maltese family and the community in Melbourne at least, I don't think that he would have told his parents or anyone really. His parents would not understand.... He would face a lot of stereotypical cop-outs about this. It makes me think he is less likely to come forward, and that sucks. And perhaps more likely that he just did it for some extra cash. But who knows? I shouldn't generalise, but it's hard not to when i know it's most likely the case.
But this is another piece of information that I am certainly thrilled about. As a friend said I am getting closer!
In thinking about this whole process however i have thought that it might be compared to slow torture... this bit by bit revealing of information. I find out when i am 15, get a few non-identifying bits of information... wait a few more years find out a donor code... another year and i find out i have many more siblings than i had ever imagined... find out their years of birth and gender a few months later... now this. There is a voice inside of me screaming like an impatient child "I want it all and i want it NOW!" Patience is not one of my strong points generally speaking, but in reality i have no choice but to be patient with this.
I am happy that I know all of this information, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to sing the grateful child song. I deserve this information, it is mine, i know this. The universe has a funny way of working sometimes. I guess i just have to wait and see what happens next.
Well actually i did get some other news with relation to all of this, but i will save that for the next post. It's another whole can of worms!
...
Sinking into my skin... slowly moving down the rope to the Earth. I can see people through the clouds, but i can't make out their faces. Still disconnected, but somehow very changed.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
They're coming out of the woodwork!
More and more donor conceived people are coming forward with similar feelings as myself and others who are "Not Happy John" with their DC status.
This new blog looks just great!
This new blog looks just great!
Donated Generation
Keep on coming DC people, we know you are out there and wanting to speak up too! We can make a difference.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Mental imagery
I like to read the news online daily. Today I had a nice sleep in and so I just had the chance after work and some late dinner to meander over today's news. One story caught my eye in particular as it spoke of an armed hold up in the suburb where I live and this incident involved gun fire. Anything like this close to home always sets me on edge. You never think stuff like this actually happens til it affects you personally or is close to home. Anyway, I read the article with much intigue and concern and the article ends with a short physical description of the robber. I wondered if it would even be possible to detect someone with such little information about their physical appearance. It could be anyone really....... Which led me to thinking, wow... this is about as much information as I have about my father. That is insane!! And it's funny because when I tell people how tall he is and what physical descriptors I have, I often picture him standing in front of one of those walls with the measurements behind his head, as though he was a criminal. I have this shady image in my mind, that really could be anyone...
When the Courier article put his weight and height into kilograms and centimetres, the way in which I grew up measuring, I was a little thrown. I grilled my poor brother-in-law as to how tall he was and how much he weighed without even explaining myself haha... But yeh, now I realise he was at the time of donation only 2 inches taller than me... and much fatter haha. I see where I get my little and curvy build from now... it's kinda weird. It's kinda nothing too. But something. The saying clutching at straws comes to mind. I am so sick of clutching onto nothing. Sometimes I feel lucky though in that I know I do have much more than some others... but I hate feeling "lucky" even, because I certainly don't feel it.
I remember I had a dream once that T5 lived across the road from my family home and one day just casually walked up our driveway and introduced himself.
I wish we had year books here in Australia like they do over in the states, so that I could browse through some photos, just to even perhaps have an idea of what he might look like. Brown hair, brown eyes........... short....... plump........ hrmm.
T5 if you're out there, please sign up to the ITA voluntary registers. I need some confirmation that you exist.
When the Courier article put his weight and height into kilograms and centimetres, the way in which I grew up measuring, I was a little thrown. I grilled my poor brother-in-law as to how tall he was and how much he weighed without even explaining myself haha... But yeh, now I realise he was at the time of donation only 2 inches taller than me... and much fatter haha. I see where I get my little and curvy build from now... it's kinda weird. It's kinda nothing too. But something. The saying clutching at straws comes to mind. I am so sick of clutching onto nothing. Sometimes I feel lucky though in that I know I do have much more than some others... but I hate feeling "lucky" even, because I certainly don't feel it.
I remember I had a dream once that T5 lived across the road from my family home and one day just casually walked up our driveway and introduced himself.
I wish we had year books here in Australia like they do over in the states, so that I could browse through some photos, just to even perhaps have an idea of what he might look like. Brown hair, brown eyes........... short....... plump........ hrmm.
T5 if you're out there, please sign up to the ITA voluntary registers. I need some confirmation that you exist.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Newspaper article
The article that appeared in Melbourne's Herald Sun was a watered down, shorter version of the much better and longer story that appeared in the Queensland Courier Mail on the same day. I just came across the Courier's story today, and so here it is.
Where did I come from?
Fran Metcalf
July 01, 2006
IT WAS a blow to Narelle Grech the day she discovered at the age of 15 that her dad wasn't her biological father.
Grech grew up with her older sister in the northern Melbourne suburb of Reservoir and never had any reason to question her bloodline or origins.
But then one day her parents broke the news. "I was conceived by the help of a sperm donor," says Grech, now 23.
"My sister was conceived naturally but then my parents had some fertility problems."
And just two years ago, after searching for more information about her genetic heritage, Grech discovered she had seven half siblings who were all conceived from the same biological father as her own.
"Mum's motivation in telling me was that she was worried I would meet or become involved with a half brother which is a well-founded fear," she says.
"I have three half brothers who are a year younger than me and four half sisters."
Grech's story could soon become far more familiar.
From today, laws come into effect that allow all donor-conceived children born on or after July 1, 1988, in Victoria to initiate contact with their biological parent once they turn 18 years old and become legal adults. Likewise, the donor father can apply for identifying information on any or all adult children conceived from his sperm.
They apply to the Melbourne-based Infertility Treatment Authority, created as a regulatory body and storage house, which has kept records on the 3315 assisted births from 1057 donors in Victoria since 1988.
Under the Infertility (Medical Procedures) Act 1984 (effective from 1988), both parties in an assisted conception have the right to refuse approaches for personal information about themselves but donor-assisted children born after 1995 will not need consent from their biological father to access his name, address and other identifying information once they too reach adulthood.
With 6000 children born each year in Australia through assisted conceptions, the Victorian laws have reignited debate about whether there's a need for uniform, national laws to enshrine every child's right to their genetic heritage.
"We know that most parents who have children born from assisted conception – it could be as many as 70 per cent – don't tell their children," says Queensland University of Technology bioethics legal expert Professor Derek Morgan.
So, the first that many of them learn of their birth origin could be a letter from the ITA saying their biological father is seeking contact or personal information.
Given normal population movements around the country, ITA manager of donor register services Helen Kane says it's likely that some of those letters could appear in the mailboxes of young adults now living in Queensland or other states.
"We're not actually expecting many applications from the young adults now turning 18," Kane says. "What we have already experienced is a steady stream of people wanting to know how to tell their children they were conceived by donor sperm or egg."
Kane says research reveals that people begin searching for the genetic heritage from their mid-20s onwards when they first enter serious relationships or begin thinking of starting their own family.
That was true for Grech.
"Early on, not long after my parents told me, we wrote a letter to the doctor and within a few weeks he sent back some non-identifying information," she says.
"I know he was a student, he was married, he had brown hair and brown eyes, he was 170cm tall and weighed about 82kg and had O-positive blood type. At the time, that was enough for me."
But Grech, who is studying social work at Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology, has wanted to know more as she's grown older.
"The thing that bugs me most is I want to know his nationality," she says.
"It might help with my physical features a bit because my mum and dad are Maltese with dark hair and skin but I'm very Australian looking.
"I also want to know what his interests are, what his occupation is, what he did for his life and what are his favourite foods – the little things you want to know about people."
Morgan says it's basic information about personal and family heritage that most people take for granted but to which this group deserves equal rights.
"These kinds of reproductive technologies have produced people who may not necessarily be able to find out who their genetic parents are and the more we begin to understand about the genetic basis for certain types of diseases, it's increasingly important to know about your make-up."
Morgan will deliver a keynote address at the Australian Bioethics Association Conference, hosted by QUT, next week in Brisbane and will talk about the issues surrounding technology, identity and modern medical law. He believes national laws are needed, based on Victoria's model, to create a sensitive, efficient and enforceable system that places the rights of donor-assisted children above all else.
"Western Australia and South Australia have similar laws to Victoria but Queensland and other states have no laws at all – there needs to be a national register," he says.
But Dr Keith Harrison, Queenslander Fertility Group scientific director and Fertility Society of Australia secretary, says industry codes of practice ensure the same rights to donor-conceived children as the Victorian laws enshrine.
Harrison says all anonymous sperm donations stopped two years ago.
All donors since then have been required to consent to their personal information being released to any child subsequently conceived.
"The National Health and Medical Research Council guidelines state every child must be able to trace its genetic heritage," Harrison says.
"That put an end to anonymous donor semen in Australia and in any one donor, there's a maximum of 10 families that can be created.
"Those guidelines are enshrined in a code of practice and every IVF clinic is accredited by the Reproductive Technology Accreditation Committee."
Harrison says identifying information can be accessed in Queensland in the same way as it is in Victoria, the only difference being that the relative parties apply to the clinic where the treatment took place rather than the ITA regulatory body.
"We, as clinics, also have obligations to regularly contact donors to keep track of them," Harrison says.
"The chance of being closed down for not complying with the regulations is pretty good incentive to comply."
The biggest difference with the Victorian law, says Harrison, is that it gives donors the right to trace their progeny once the children become legal adults and research shows only half – at best – of parents disclose the truth to their donor-assisted children.
Grech says the earlier parents tell their children, the better.
"There are cases of donor-assisted children discovering their birth origins in the middle of family arguments or when a family friend lets the information slip," she says.
"I think parents should tell their children – even at 18 years old – because it's better than when you're 40 or after the death of one of your parents.
"Young people can deal with things better than adults expect them to."
And she says parents need not feel threatened.
"Parents need to understand it's a personal thing – a quest for your own identity and personality traits," she says.
"It's not about replacing or changing relationships."
Unfortunately for Grech, she was born in 1982 and isn't therefore affected by the new laws in Victoria.
"I try not to think about it because I know it might not ever happen but I'd love to meet him (donor)," she says.
"It would mean the world to me and I'd love to meeting all my half siblings as well."
source: http://www.thecouriermail.news.com.au/story/0,20797,19642078-3102,00.html
Where did I come from?
Fran Metcalf
July 01, 2006
IT WAS a blow to Narelle Grech the day she discovered at the age of 15 that her dad wasn't her biological father.
Grech grew up with her older sister in the northern Melbourne suburb of Reservoir and never had any reason to question her bloodline or origins.
But then one day her parents broke the news. "I was conceived by the help of a sperm donor," says Grech, now 23.
"My sister was conceived naturally but then my parents had some fertility problems."
And just two years ago, after searching for more information about her genetic heritage, Grech discovered she had seven half siblings who were all conceived from the same biological father as her own.
"Mum's motivation in telling me was that she was worried I would meet or become involved with a half brother which is a well-founded fear," she says.
"I have three half brothers who are a year younger than me and four half sisters."
Grech's story could soon become far more familiar.
From today, laws come into effect that allow all donor-conceived children born on or after July 1, 1988, in Victoria to initiate contact with their biological parent once they turn 18 years old and become legal adults. Likewise, the donor father can apply for identifying information on any or all adult children conceived from his sperm.
They apply to the Melbourne-based Infertility Treatment Authority, created as a regulatory body and storage house, which has kept records on the 3315 assisted births from 1057 donors in Victoria since 1988.
Under the Infertility (Medical Procedures) Act 1984 (effective from 1988), both parties in an assisted conception have the right to refuse approaches for personal information about themselves but donor-assisted children born after 1995 will not need consent from their biological father to access his name, address and other identifying information once they too reach adulthood.
With 6000 children born each year in Australia through assisted conceptions, the Victorian laws have reignited debate about whether there's a need for uniform, national laws to enshrine every child's right to their genetic heritage.
"We know that most parents who have children born from assisted conception – it could be as many as 70 per cent – don't tell their children," says Queensland University of Technology bioethics legal expert Professor Derek Morgan.
So, the first that many of them learn of their birth origin could be a letter from the ITA saying their biological father is seeking contact or personal information.
Given normal population movements around the country, ITA manager of donor register services Helen Kane says it's likely that some of those letters could appear in the mailboxes of young adults now living in Queensland or other states.
"We're not actually expecting many applications from the young adults now turning 18," Kane says. "What we have already experienced is a steady stream of people wanting to know how to tell their children they were conceived by donor sperm or egg."
Kane says research reveals that people begin searching for the genetic heritage from their mid-20s onwards when they first enter serious relationships or begin thinking of starting their own family.
That was true for Grech.
"Early on, not long after my parents told me, we wrote a letter to the doctor and within a few weeks he sent back some non-identifying information," she says.
"I know he was a student, he was married, he had brown hair and brown eyes, he was 170cm tall and weighed about 82kg and had O-positive blood type. At the time, that was enough for me."
But Grech, who is studying social work at Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology, has wanted to know more as she's grown older.
"The thing that bugs me most is I want to know his nationality," she says.
"It might help with my physical features a bit because my mum and dad are Maltese with dark hair and skin but I'm very Australian looking.
"I also want to know what his interests are, what his occupation is, what he did for his life and what are his favourite foods – the little things you want to know about people."
Morgan says it's basic information about personal and family heritage that most people take for granted but to which this group deserves equal rights.
"These kinds of reproductive technologies have produced people who may not necessarily be able to find out who their genetic parents are and the more we begin to understand about the genetic basis for certain types of diseases, it's increasingly important to know about your make-up."
Morgan will deliver a keynote address at the Australian Bioethics Association Conference, hosted by QUT, next week in Brisbane and will talk about the issues surrounding technology, identity and modern medical law. He believes national laws are needed, based on Victoria's model, to create a sensitive, efficient and enforceable system that places the rights of donor-assisted children above all else.
"Western Australia and South Australia have similar laws to Victoria but Queensland and other states have no laws at all – there needs to be a national register," he says.
But Dr Keith Harrison, Queenslander Fertility Group scientific director and Fertility Society of Australia secretary, says industry codes of practice ensure the same rights to donor-conceived children as the Victorian laws enshrine.
Harrison says all anonymous sperm donations stopped two years ago.
All donors since then have been required to consent to their personal information being released to any child subsequently conceived.
"The National Health and Medical Research Council guidelines state every child must be able to trace its genetic heritage," Harrison says.
"That put an end to anonymous donor semen in Australia and in any one donor, there's a maximum of 10 families that can be created.
"Those guidelines are enshrined in a code of practice and every IVF clinic is accredited by the Reproductive Technology Accreditation Committee."
Harrison says identifying information can be accessed in Queensland in the same way as it is in Victoria, the only difference being that the relative parties apply to the clinic where the treatment took place rather than the ITA regulatory body.
"We, as clinics, also have obligations to regularly contact donors to keep track of them," Harrison says.
"The chance of being closed down for not complying with the regulations is pretty good incentive to comply."
The biggest difference with the Victorian law, says Harrison, is that it gives donors the right to trace their progeny once the children become legal adults and research shows only half – at best – of parents disclose the truth to their donor-assisted children.
Grech says the earlier parents tell their children, the better.
"There are cases of donor-assisted children discovering their birth origins in the middle of family arguments or when a family friend lets the information slip," she says.
"I think parents should tell their children – even at 18 years old – because it's better than when you're 40 or after the death of one of your parents.
"Young people can deal with things better than adults expect them to."
And she says parents need not feel threatened.
"Parents need to understand it's a personal thing – a quest for your own identity and personality traits," she says.
"It's not about replacing or changing relationships."
Unfortunately for Grech, she was born in 1982 and isn't therefore affected by the new laws in Victoria.
"I try not to think about it because I know it might not ever happen but I'd love to meet him (donor)," she says.
"It would mean the world to me and I'd love to meeting all my half siblings as well."
source: http://www.thecouriermail.news.com.au/s
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Fizzle.....
I have burnt out i think. Doing media interviews over the last little while and then back over the last 3 years has taken it's toll. Not to mention the emails, the debates, the letters, uni work (most of my essays are on this topic), books, etc... Don't get me wrong I'm in this for the long haul, but it's about time I reflect and be honest with myself. I can't seem to get fired up lately. I have been sick for the last few days and bed ridden and it was in this state that I realised how nice it is to not think about all of this for a bit. Not checking my emails was a delight. I watched movies and just spent time on my own. I have to do this more. For my own sanity and so that I have the strength to keep this up for others too.
I can now finally understand what others before me have felt in way of burning out. I never thought I would feel this way and thought those that burnt out were weak. Silly me! It's a natural part of it. With so much ignorance and stupidity thrown at you it's bound to happen. There are so many times someone can be asked if they are grateful to be alive before you feel as though you are about to snap!! Are you grateful to be alive? WELL ARE YOU? Stupid irrelevent question. What is it's purpose? It only shows how shallow humans can be. This whole industry is the most disgusting display of human greed and power at it's best. I feel kind of sad to be alive in this time of history......... "For Sale, one egg, ripe for the gestating, have yourself one of my eggs for the nice sum of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" It is sick.......... Human life now merely a sum of money... a trade off....... Human life is now for sale people. I am sad to see it happening. What price will you pay?
I can now finally understand what others before me have felt in way of burning out. I never thought I would feel this way and thought those that burnt out were weak. Silly me! It's a natural part of it. With so much ignorance and stupidity thrown at you it's bound to happen. There are so many times someone can be asked if they are grateful to be alive before you feel as though you are about to snap!! Are you grateful to be alive? WELL ARE YOU? Stupid irrelevent question. What is it's purpose? It only shows how shallow humans can be. This whole industry is the most disgusting display of human greed and power at it's best. I feel kind of sad to be alive in this time of history......... "For Sale, one egg, ripe for the gestating, have yourself one of my eggs for the nice sum of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" It is sick.......... Human life now merely a sum of money... a trade off....... Human life is now for sale people. I am sad to see it happening. What price will you pay?
I have a few weeks off uni now and I am so happy to have the time to think. I have been numb to all of this for a while. I think for self preservation reasons I need to do other things for a bit.
I don't know what I am getting at really. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.... that to want to know my father is a huge ask. I wonder how people can so carelessy and easily manipulate people's families to benefit themselves..... How someone could deny another human being something so fundamental as their identity. I don't get it. Sometimes it's like being caught in a really bad dream. You can see the clarity of it and no one else can. When I meet people who understand I thank God. There are decent humans on Earth! Praise the LAWWWWWD!
Lately I have been trying not to get so worked up about all of this, and it's been working. But then there is like this constant buzzing in my soul that doesn't stop. No matter what I do it travels with me. I can ignore it now and then. Sometimes I have to forget my situation...... Sometimes I don't want to be donor conceived. I want to be a normal kid (sure, what's normal?) who doesn't have to think about any of this. I have been forced to grow up and I am feeling like an old woman. I want to feel 23. In some ways I do of course.... hrmmmm.
Ok, I will sign off now. Not sure where my head is at.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
The American Adoption Congress Northwest Regional Conference
CREATING THE EMPOWERED REUNION
The American Adoption Congress Northwest Regional Conference
Co-Sponsored by:
* Washington Adoption Reunion Movement (WARM)
* Adoption Mosaic
* Concerned United Birthparents (CUB – Portland)
August 11-12, 2006. Portland, OR
Early registration by July 15: $40/AAC member, $50/non-member
Late Registration: $50/AAC member, $60/non-member
(includes Friday night reception, all sessions on Saturday with continental breakfast and box lunch, and a Saturday night discussion gathering)
Info: Sharon Pittenger, 503-349-2082, spitty@teleport.com,
http://www.AmericanAdoptionCongress.org
Keynote Speakers
* Measure 58: The Journey of One Father and Son
[Measure 58 was an initiative petition passed by Oregon voters in the 1998 General Election allowing adoptees to unseal their birth records so they can locate their birth parents]
- Thomas McDermott, the attorney who represented the lawsuit defending Ballot Measure 58.
- Adam, Thomas’s son, is an adoptee who has turned 21 and has his original birth certificate.
* The Journey Turns Inward: Finding Our True Selves in the Opportunities and Hazards of Reunion: Connie Dawson, PhD, adoptee
WORKSHOPS
* Why Search? Beyond the Need for Medical Information
* Beginning the Search: A Panel Discussion
* Revitalizing the Search: Extending and Completing Your Search
* The Knock on the Door: Stories on Searching and Being Found
* Transracial Adoption Experiences
* Maintaining relationships with siblings, spouses, and extended families
* Managing the Emotions of Search and Reunion: Integrating the Past Self with the Present
* The Next Generation: How Adoption Affects my Parenting
The American Adoption Congress Northwest Regional Conference
Co-Sponsored by:
* Washington Adoption Reunion Movement (WARM)
* Adoption Mosaic
* Concerned United Birthparents (CUB – Portland)
August 11-12, 2006. Portland, OR
Early registration by July 15: $40/AAC member, $50/non-member
Late Registration: $50/AAC member, $60/non-member
(includes Friday night reception, all sessions on Saturday with continental breakfast and box lunch, and a Saturday night discussion gathering)
Info: Sharon Pittenger, 503-349-2082, spitty@teleport.com,
http://www.AmericanAdoptionCongress.o
Keynote Speakers
* Measure 58: The Journey of One Father and Son
[Measure 58 was an initiative petition passed by Oregon voters in the 1998 General Election allowing adoptees to unseal their birth records so they can locate their birth parents]
- Thomas McDermott, the attorney who represented the lawsuit defending Ballot Measure 58.
- Adam, Thomas’s son, is an adoptee who has turned 21 and has his original birth certificate.
* The Journey Turns Inward: Finding Our True Selves in the Opportunities and Hazards of Reunion: Connie Dawson, PhD, adoptee
WORKSHOPS
* Why Search? Beyond the Need for Medical Information
* Beginning the Search: A Panel Discussion
* Revitalizing the Search: Extending and Completing Your Search
* The Knock on the Door: Stories on Searching and Being Found
* Transracial Adoption Experiences
* Maintaining relationships with siblings, spouses, and extended families
* Managing the Emotions of Search and Reunion: Integrating the Past Self with the Present
* The Next Generation: How Adoption Affects my Parenting
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
New friend
Through the grapevine, found this lovely lass named Sarah. She speaks her mind and I love her for it. Please check her blog out if you get the chance.
http://umbliclychallenged.blogspot.com/
http://umbliclychallenged.blogspot.com/
Friday, June 02, 2006
'Making Babies' - SBS, Australia
Some of you might be interested to view an online video of a studio debate on donor conception issues which screened on Tuesday night on SBS Television nationally in Australia, which I took part in. A transcript of the show is also available on this website:
http://news.sbs.com.au/insight/mmarchive.php
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