Sunday, April 26, 2009

Another piece of the puzzle

I have a new little small, amazing piece of this strange puzzle.  It came as a surprise, and is much welcomed into my life, into this puzzle that seems never ending.

I'm not sure I can share what this piece is, but I will say that it sheds some light on who this person is, who T5 is.  And it tells me something about myself.  It changes something about me, it adds something too.  It doesn't change me exactly, but it gives me something else that I can say about him and about me, without a doubt.  

I was so happy to learn about this new revelation from another donor conceived friend . Her email came out of the blue.  We were conceived at the same clinic, possibly frozen vile by vile, just chillin. HAH. get it?  Hmmm.

Lately, I don't know what it is, but I have felt so tired of the whole search.  Tired of trying to find this person and more information, because it seems so fruitless.  After all of these years and what do I know? Not much more than I did when I was 15.  The small little pieces help, but they also keep you hanging.  Just when  you let it go to the back of your mind, something happens, rises out of nowhere and makes you wonder... Should I keep looking?  Should I pursue this lead?  Is it worth my time?  Will anything become of it? Probably not.  I have no energy for this all right now, but it's all fresh in my mind, heart and soul again.  

I can narrow it down a whole lot more with this extra piece.  So close, yet so far.

And so in 18 days I leave the country and my search here, for a little while anyway.  I need to escape it all, although it will inevitably follow me wherever I go. 

There is no escaping the self.