Monday, May 12, 2008

Happy Birthday Sister!

Yesterday it was one of my little (half, donor conceived) sister's birthday.  I was very fortunate in getting my 9 half DC sibling's dates of births and genders.  This is how I know and it's nice to have at least that information.  I want to make en effort this year to try to think of my siblings this year and celebrate their birthdays, even if in a small way.  I couldn't really though yesterday as it was mother's day and I didn't want to upset mum.  I think she would have been ok with it, but still, I know that she harbours some guilt around my situation and it just wouldn't have been appropriate.  Anyway, my little sister, born 11th May 1985 would have turned 22.  I hope that wherever she is that she is happy.  Maybe one day I can meet her, who knows?  I need to do more to try and find my siblings... it's just all so emotionally exhausting.  But one day soon I must get back into searching.

I guess lately I have become more accepting of my situation, that's not to say that I'm not still wanting answers, or curious.  I'll always be curious to know more, always be searching, I'm just not angry anymore, I'm active.  Lobbying and public speaking is meaning making for me, pulling a positive out of all of this for my own sanity and also to help other DC people.  It's rewarding and helps me to feel as though my conception, DC status can mean something greater.

I've now been working as a foster care worker for 5 months and loving it.  I love the children and trying to make a difference for them.  Working in foster care has been a real eye opener and I guess the stark differences for children in foster care vs DC people is very apparent.  The courts usually work towards reunification of children and their birth families... And where reunification is not possible links with birth family are encouraged, i.e. access visits.  It is seen as a vital element of foster care that workers and carers allow for this contact.  Yet in DC we are told our birth families are not important and those of us who do want to know our birth families are often met with questions as to why, opposition and some times, like in my situation, flat out refusal.  I should be content with what I have, is what they say, get on with things.... For the most part I do, however I just think that all children should have the opportunity to know their family of origin, it should be there choice and not a right that is fought for.

3 comments:

Lindsay said...

Hey Rel,

So weird as it sounds, Libby (the girl I was about to do the DNA test with before I got my donor number) her birthday is May 11, 1985!! Just thought that's really random.

I like the idea that you celebrate your half-siblings birthdays even when you don't know them....apparently I don't even exist according to Xytex, who had no reported births from my donor.

Anyways, just thought I'd mention that bit of irony.

Hugs,
Linds

Rel said...

Hey Lindsay,

That IS weird!!! I agree, haha!

Yeah, I try. I have a list of their birthdays up here at work. It's so strange to think of them as living people with birthdays..

Gees, Xytex have a lot to answer for, don't they?!!

Hope you're well xo

michael said...

Gee,didn't know you had that much info on your half-sibs.Melbourne IVF only gave me the years of birth for my other three daughters.
Have you tried checking the newspaper birth notices for each of their birth days? I know it may not give you any certainty but you can also narrow it down to all those babies born at Prince Henry's on that day.