Monday, April 17, 2006

One step forward, two steps back


I just wanted to post for anyone who is reading out there. I am still alive and well.

I have been wanting to update here for a while now, with something meaningful and insightful, but at the moment I am lacking the (mental/emotional?) energy.

Almost every time I take a step in my journey with this I feel that I then have to pull back for a while, even when I write. I almost feel like I take one step forward and two back some times. It's frustrating, but I also think it's necessary for my well being. It's emotionally draining to write here at times, although at the same time I love it and appreciate communicating with people who I would normally have the chance.

So this is not a good bye by any means, just a 'hello' and 'be with you shortly' post.

I'm still reading, thinking, learning and growing.

And I will be back soon, when my heart and soul are ready for more.

Oh, and just something in the mean time that I can share for now; I told my dad about the whole half sibling thing the other night. After my last post I felt like i owed it to him to be honest. I feel much better now that he knows.

See you soon!


Mia said...

Needing a break is totally understandalbe! I'm glad everything is OK.

Way to go talking to your dad too. I bet it feels good to have things out in the open.

Take care Rel! Hope to hear from you soon but enjoy your time off!!!

Rel said...

Thank Mia :)

it feels great having things out in the open, for sure.

You too! I shall return soon. Uni work is also piling up, so we will see how i go. xo

Doughnut said...

Hi Rel...I came across your website while I was reading Buffalo Gals blog. She had made some posts on the Family Scholar Blog and my interest in the subject of donor conception was peaked. As a social worker here in Wisconsin, USA who has been involved with a number of children whose parents parental rights were terminated, I know that the vast majority of children always want to know where they came from. Call it an innate desire but, like you, I think there are universal questions asked by everyone...who am I, where did I come from, why am I here and where am I going...I believe you will find what you seek. It may take a lifetime but those half-siblings are out there.

I personally believe donating ones genetic material to create another life somehow immoral and irresponsible. I try to keep an open mind but when I read stories such as yours and others who were donor conceived, it reinforces those notions. I personally wouldn't ever donate because I would always wonder if the person produced was okay. I would feel "linked" to them and have a need to know about them. Call it a head game, but I like to think of it as being "parental". I also happen to think it is just being responsible for the child created who is a part of me. Some might say it is just selfishness. I think not.

I wish you well in your search and educational endeavor (a good field to enter!). I can just imagine all the possible areas you might consider for internship or job prospects.

Peter McEwan said...

I'm an adoptee and write a blog that details the uphill struggle I experienced trying to find out who I really was. Sometimes I also need a break from writing. Hope you keep going and I'll make a link to you.

Rel said...

Hi Leroy,

Thanks so much for your support and kind words!

"I personally believe donating ones genetic material to create another life somehow immoral and irresponsible... I also happen to think it is just being responsible for the child created who is a part of me." - Thank you! So do i! And i totally agree about being responsible. It's not selfish at all, to me it's right.

Thanks again :)

Rel said...

Hi Peter,

Great to hear from another adoptee. Your story sounds heartbreaking and inspiring at the same time. I like the journal title a lot!

By the way, i noticed you are a philosopher. I am studying a subject called "philosophy and happiness" this semseter and loving it. Although some comments that my lecturer has made about my innate sense to know myself have been a little upsetting. Perhaps we can chat about this more in the future.

I will link you also!

Mia said...

Hey Rel, an article I thought you might just want to comment on;,,1746867,00.html