What would you do if you were told you had no right to access information about your own identity?
From a cheeky little girl, to a determined young woman; this is my story.
Is he deceased? If not, there is hope no matter how small it may seem.
I'm not sure if he is alive or if he has passed.... I do hold hope that he is still alive and I try to hold onto that hope, however with each passing day I feel as though he slips further and further away. I dream about him so much, sometimes it feels as though I have already met him. I won't give up on him ever.
Pay attention to your dreams. I have been having really difficult "who is my father" days recently too Rel. I'm thinking of you. (((Rel)))I love your new photo!
I am so very sorry.
Hey Mia,Thank you and thank you. I had a dream once that I dreamt his surname, but now realise that it can't be it. But I'm sure it will one day have some significance to him, somehow... Have you read The Magician's Son: A Search for Identity by Sandy McCutcheon? It's a great read by an Australian adoptee.Hope you're well xo
RelI am Mum to my son, concieved with donor eggs. I am a little older and a bit emotional and have to admit I shed a few tears reading your website. I have just joined tangled web and was having a look around when I came upon your website. Dont ever give up and please dont ever feel that someone may not be proud of you. You are remarkable and anyone would be proud to call you their daughter. Good luck.
pendullum - thank you.suzy q - thanks so much.. that really gave me shivers. sometimes it's hard to imagine him being proud of me. i guess anything is possible.great to have you on board at TW :)
Rel it is us parents AND donors who need to "live up to" the expectations of the children we have created. It is our responsibility - you dont owe anyone anything - they owe you. I wish you luck with your search and hope for you it ends in happiness sooner than later. And thankyou for the welcome to tw - its a great site and am enjoying getting to know everyone and reading the forums - I'm not feeling so lonely now even though most of you are on the other side of Australia or the world to me. Sue
I know I've come in here waaay late, but I wanted to say hi and that I'm glad I read this post. I DO know how you feel. And, I'm sorry.
Hi Rhonda, No worries about coming in late.. I have been fairly slack with my blogger lately, so really I should be the one apologising to everyone.Yep, understanding such as yours is the one thing that keeps me vaguely sane in all of this.
Hey Rel...it has been a long time since we exchanged emails and I doubt you even remember me. I am assuming you are nearly through with college and soon will be embarking on your social work career - going out to change the world :) I hope so especially as it relates to this practice. England made a step in the right direction by banning anonymity and hopefully others will follow their lead. I was always under the impression Australia was a bit more liberal in allowing offspring to find their donor dads but apparently that was just a dream I had too. It seems to me a violation of your civil rights to not know who your bio dad is. I sincerely hope you find him.
Hi Leroy,I do remember you :)I'm almost done with first semester of my last year. I have one more field placement, which I'm hoping to get in an adoption support type place, and then I graduate!! Finally!I definately intend to use my degree with regard to advocating for DC people. Looking forward to to being part of some change, for the better i hope.Yes, fantastic news that the UK has banned anonymity, hopefully other countries will follow suit asap. I wish that this also meant that birth certificates would reflect the true birth origins... maybe one day no one will have to question such a document.Victoria is leading the way, but the other states still allow anonymous donation. Again there is no onus on the parent's to tell their children they are DC even if they did conceive with an identifiable donor, leaving many unawares of their own truth.Thanks Leroy!! I hope i find him one day too.
I came across your blog in a roundabout way via a Chicago newspaper article. My son (age 7) recently asked if he has a "dad". We explained, as always, that he has a biological father or donor. He knows we (my female partner and I) got sperm from a friend - i.e. that our son was conceived with the help of a known donor. He now wants to know who the donor is. The arrangement we have with the donor is that when our kids ask, it is up to the donor whether or not he wants to be known. Our kids know this and understand it for what it is, for better or worse. Well, our donor wants to be known, but his wife does not. And of course there are lots of other familial layers to all of this (grandparents, half-sibs, close friends from both families). I ask you and your readers: 1) Is age 7 too young? 2) If donor decides to not be known, and we know who the donor is, what are your and your readers initial reactions to this scenario? I would have liked to post this either as a separate post or privately to you, Rel, first. Could not find a link on the blog to do that. How can I contact you without using the blog?
Hello ecogal,about your scenario, it appears to be a difficult one. The only one who doesn't have a real choice is your child. I am not saying this to judge since I am currently pregnant via DI. What I am trying to say is that we (parents of present and future DI children) should think long and hard before we choose a donor to help us have children. For example, I would only consider donors who would be comfortable with contact (eventually) in the future. As for a spouse, perhaps it would have been best to seek spousal approval before proceeding (approval for the possibility of future contact). On the other hand, these situations are not unique to donor conception so let's not make that mistake ;-)Personally, I don't think that 7 is too young to meet a donor as long as it is handled with care. I hope that all works out for you and your son re meeting the donor.
Hi ecogal,I don't think 7 is too young at all. The earlier the better, i think. If your donor does not wish to be known, but your child wants to know him, then of course i have a very biased view and believe the child should have the right to know who their father is. Regardless of prior agreements. This information belongs not only to yourself and your partner but primarily to your son, for his father helped to create him! It's sad that his wife is not willing for him to be known. I fear this is one of the reason's my father hasn't come forward before now... he was married when he donated.I'm reluctant to give out my email address on this site. I'm not sure how to contact you other than via this site either. Hmmm.
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