Tuesday, June 27, 2006


I have burnt out i think. Doing media interviews over the last little while and then back over the last 3 years has taken it's toll. Not to mention the emails, the debates, the letters, uni work (most of my essays are on this topic), books, etc... Don't get me wrong I'm in this for the long haul, but it's about time I reflect and be honest with myself. I can't seem to get fired up lately. I have been sick for the last few days and bed ridden and it was in this state that I realised how nice it is to not think about all of this for a bit. Not checking my emails was a delight. I watched movies and just spent time on my own. I have to do this more. For my own sanity and so that I have the strength to keep this up for others too.

I can now finally understand what others before me have felt in way of burning out. I never thought I would feel this way and thought those that burnt out were weak. Silly me! It's a natural part of it. With so much ignorance and stupidity thrown at you it's bound to happen. There are so many times someone can be asked if they are grateful to be alive before you feel as though you are about to snap!! Are you grateful to be alive? WELL ARE YOU? Stupid irrelevent question. What is it's purpose? It only shows how shallow humans can be. This whole industry is the most disgusting display of human greed and power at it's best. I feel kind of sad to be alive in this time of history......... "For Sale, one egg, ripe for the gestating, have yourself one of my eggs for the nice sum of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" It is sick.......... Human life now merely a sum of money... a trade off....... Human life is now for sale people. I am sad to see it happening. What price will you pay?

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I have a few weeks off uni now and I am so happy to have the time to think. I have been numb to all of this for a while. I think for self preservation reasons I need to do other things for a bit.

I don't know what I am getting at really. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.... that to want to know my father is a huge ask. I wonder how people can so carelessy and easily manipulate people's families to benefit themselves..... How someone could deny another human being something so fundamental as their identity. I don't get it. Sometimes it's like being caught in a really bad dream. You can see the clarity of it and no one else can. When I meet people who understand I thank God. There are decent humans on Earth! Praise the LAWWWWWD!

Lately I have been trying not to get so worked up about all of this, and it's been working. But then there is like this constant buzzing in my soul that doesn't stop. No matter what I do it travels with me. I can ignore it now and then. Sometimes I have to forget my situation...... Sometimes I don't want to be donor conceived. I want to be a normal kid (sure, what's normal?) who doesn't have to think about any of this. I have been forced to grow up and I am feeling like an old woman. I want to feel 23. In some ways I do of course.... hrmmmm.

Ok, I will sign off now. Not sure where my head is at.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The American Adoption Congress Northwest Regional Conference

The American Adoption Congress Northwest Regional Conference
Co-Sponsored by:
* Washington Adoption Reunion Movement (WARM)
* Adoption Mosaic
* Concerned United Birthparents (CUB – Portland)

August 11-12, 2006. Portland, OR
Early registration by July 15: $40/AAC member, $50/non-member
Late Registration: $50/AAC member, $60/non-member
(includes Friday night reception, all sessions on Saturday with continental breakfast and box lunch, and a Saturday night discussion gathering)

Info: Sharon Pittenger, 503-349-2082, spitty@teleport.com,

Keynote Speakers
* Measure 58: The Journey of One Father and Son
[Measure 58 was an initiative petition passed by Oregon voters in the 1998 General Election allowing adoptees to unseal their birth records so they can locate their birth parents]
- Thomas McDermott, the attorney who represented the lawsuit defending Ballot Measure 58.
- Adam, Thomas’s son, is an adoptee who has turned 21 and has his original birth certificate.
* The Journey Turns Inward: Finding Our True Selves in the Opportunities and Hazards of Reunion: Connie Dawson, PhD, adoptee

* Why Search? Beyond the Need for Medical Information
* Beginning the Search: A Panel Discussion
* Revitalizing the Search: Extending and Completing Your Search
* The Knock on the Door: Stories on Searching and Being Found
* Transracial Adoption Experiences
* Maintaining relationships with siblings, spouses, and extended families
* Managing the Emotions of Search and Reunion: Integrating the Past Self with the Present
* The Next Generation: How Adoption Affects my Parenting

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

New friend

Through the grapevine, found this lovely lass named Sarah. She speaks her mind and I love her for it. Please check her blog out if you get the chance.


Friday, June 02, 2006

'Making Babies' - SBS, Australia

Some of you might be interested to view an online video of a studio debate on donor conception issues which screened on Tuesday night on SBS Television nationally in Australia, which I took part in. A transcript of the show is also available on this website: