Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Baby factory

This is a photo i found recently of the hospital where my mum was artificially inseminated with T5's sperm. T5 is the code my 'donor', or biological father, as i prefer to call him was given way back then. The picture is the wrong way around, but gees, that's a big place! i always had images in my mind of it being this tiny clinic for some reason. It's strangely comforting to now know what the place looked like. It has since been demolished. i guess this is where my story began. This photo helps me to connect the few dots i have to paint a picture of who my father is... and inturn to try to establish my true identity.

A friend wrote "Rel was made here!!!" on it.. which i think is funny, in a sad kind of way.

5 comments:

kim.kim said...

Adding you to my links.

MAX said...

Dear Rel,

Thank you for posting on my blog, no matter how much our opinions differ, I think it is important to keep the debate open.

First of all, I am sorry if you felt hurt in regards to my comments on political correctness however since a word can mean so many different things to different people what ever word is finally used to describe such an action is ultimately meaningless.

When using the word sperm donor you see (in your own words) someone whacking off into a cup, for myself it conjures up images of someone with altruistic motives who wishes to help infertile couples, but you're right some donors probably do whack off into a cup without thinking twice about it but not all.

As for the pain that you feel, so do I, except that in my case and unlike you I have no one to blame for my infertility, which often brings me to wonder as to the exact purpose of my life on this earth.

I did not become infertile because of something I did, I was born that way, I'm a genetic deviation.

I could I suppose still turn against my parents for allowing me to be born with such a condition, after all better screening might have prevented my birth, sure they didn't know but wasn't it their duty to know ? ignorance is not a defense anymore !

Of course not one minute in my life would I ever consider this as a right full scenario, I just wanted to make a point that although you may suffer pain, you have also been given life, and that your life was created out of pure love.

For any couple to go through with infertility treatment, seeing specialist after specialist, clinics etc...believe me when I say that it isn't easy and that not only the desire to have a child but the love that you share with your partner must be extremely strong.

So you have been given life and what you do with it is up to you, it' s a bit like the glass of water question, is it half full or half empty ?

Only you can answer that question.

I certainly hope that you find whatever it is that you are looking for and wishes you all the best in whatever you endeavour.

Rel said...

"what ever word is finally used to describe such an action is ultimately meaningles" - well to me calling my 'sperm donor' my biological father is far from meaningless to me.

"except that in my case and unlike you I have no one to blame for my infertility" - that's right. And i am sorry that people have to endure such problems, but does this mean that it's ok to take that problem and then create possible other issues for the person you are creating as a result?

You see but your parents didn't say "hey let's have a baby and make sure that he is infertile". Whereas donor conception is in fact people deciding that they will create a child and seperate them from half or all of their genetic family. It's very different to being born with something, that can't be planned for!

"although you may suffer pain, you have also been given life, and that your life was created out of pure love." - how do you really know my life was created out of pure love? you don't know my parents.... and there certainly was not any love between my mother and T5... they never even met, which makes it even weirder for me. And in saying what you have you are implying that i should be grateful for my life, as so many others do, because my parents went through a lot to have me. I have no doubt in my mind and in fact know that my mum especially had a really hard time with the treatment, but that does not for one second mean that i should feel any differently than i do. I think it's fair to say we are all grateful for our lives, but just because i was conceived via DC does not mean i have to be so thankful for my life..... If this was the case would we be asking people who were conceived in not so nice ways to be thankful too?

"So you have been given life and what you do with it is up to you, it' s a bit like the glass of water question, is it half full or half empty ?" - you are comepletely right here, we agree on something! And so with my life i have chosen to be an advocate for donor conceived people. I am studying social work so that i can offer support for others like myself. I am making the most of my situation by trying to educate people.

I am also doing all that i can possibly do to try and find my father and my 7 half siblings..... and i will never ever stop searching, or speaking out, or trying to make it so that no one is in my position again.

I love my life, but i would love to meet my father and see what he's done with his life too.

thank you for your well wishes.

I hope i find what it is i am looking for too... the missing pieces to my puzzle.

DI_Dad said...

Rel -

I just read your comment posted in response to my own on DD's site. Your point that for many DC persons to come forward and admit they want more takes a lot courage and that many may not come forward for fear of hurting their parents (bio moms and social dad)is something I can see being part of each DC persons reality.

When I get the chance I will add a link here as I did for Michael Linden's blog. I may not agree with everything posted but I look forward to following your story for someday it maybe my childrens. And as much as I applaud DD for his coming forward at this point in his continuing story I am at a different point in my family's development as my DI kids are here and my job is to now learn and help them in addition to my desire to help other men who like myself are travelling down this path.

- Eric (DI Dad)

lia said...

Great blog Rel! Eric I think that as long as you are prepared to keep an open mind and take on board what dc affected people call THEIR experience without taking it as a personal insult then you will be 100% on the right path to helping your kids with any problems they may experience with their dc status. It is just a matter of listening, validating and not going into denial and you are doing that. It makes you unique because not everyone is able to do this. I hope I don't sound condescending!